The Moment After: How to Reconnect After a Difficult Conversation
You talked it through. You didn’t blow up. You actually reached a resolution.So why does it still feel weird between you?This week, we had a difficult conversation after…
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PODCAST
Relationship Renovation: Why Couples Get Stuck & How They Find Their Way Back
Hosted by
EJ and Tarah Kerwin
Why do couples who love each other keep getting pulled into the same painful patterns?Why does a simple conversation suddenly become a fight? Why does one partner pursue while the other pulls away? Why can an argument be over and yet somehow you still don’t feel okay with each other?For nearly a decade, married couple and licensed therapists Tarah and E.J. Kerwin have been exploring those questions on Relationship Renovation.But they aren’t interested in giving you another list of relationship tips.Each week, Tarah and E.J. use their own marriage, years of working with couples, and relationship science to explore the invisible dynamics underneath the struggles couples can see—defensiveness, resentment, disconnection, betrayal, intimacy problems, recurring conflict, emotional triggers, and the moments when two people who love each other somehow lose each other.They don’t pretend to have a perfect marriage.They’ve had their own patterns. Their own hurts. Their own moments of disconnection. And increasingly, those real moments become the starting point for the conversations you’ll hear on the show.Together, they put language around experiences couples often feel but don’t know how to explain—from The Courtroom Trap and Our Nervous Systems Are Arguing to The Moment After—and explore what it actually takes to respond differently.You’ll learn how to understand what’s happening beneath your conflicts, create emotional safety, rebuild trust, deepen emotional and physical intimacy, repair after hurt, and grow as individuals without losing each other along the way.With more than 20,000 monthly downloads and listeners around the world, Relationship Renovation is for couples who don’t just want a relationship that survives.They want one that keeps growing.Subscribe and renovate your relationship with us.
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50 Episodes
Latest Episodes
Same Fight, Better Outcome: How Healthy Relationships Actually Change
“Why are we STILL dealing with this?”If you've ever had the same argument with your partner for what feels like the hundredth time, you may have wondered whether…
When Initiating Sex Starts Feeling Like Pressure
What happens when reaching for your partner no longer feels safe?There was a period in our marriage when EJ stopped initiating sex completely.It wasn't punishment. It wasn't giving…
You Don’t Need a Date Night to Feel Connected
What if staying connected didn’t require another thing on your calendar?For busy couples, “date night” can start to feel like one more responsibility—find a babysitter, make a reservation,…
The Resentment Wall: Why We Keep Pushing Each Other Away
What if resentment isn't the problem... but a form of protection?Most couples think resentment appears overnight. In reality, it forms one small hurt at a time—like adding another…
The Courtroom Trap: Why Healthy Conversations Shouldn't Feel Like a Trial
Have you ever tried explaining yourself, only to hear your partner say, "You're being defensive"?It happens in almost every relationship. One partner feels misunderstood. The other feels unheard.…
Why Small Arguments Become Big Fights: The Trigger Transfer Trap
Have you ever found yourself in a heated argument with your partner and thought, "How did we get here so fast?"In this episode, EJ and Tarah unpack a…
Are You Loving Your Partner... Or Trying To Change Them?
When your partner is struggling, what do you do?Do you try to comfort them?Fix them?Pull them out of it?Or... are you actually trying to change their emotional state…
Why Everything Feels Like Your Responsibility (The Hidden Belief That Was Quietly Running My Life)
Have you ever felt like you're carrying everything?Your family's emotions.Your marriage.Your business.Your finances.Your future.For years, EJ believed it was his job to hold everything together. The result wasn't…
Why We Miss Each Other When We Need Each Other Most (And How to Repair)
Two nights ago, we completely missed each other.It started with something ridiculously small—a late-night plate of food for our kids—but underneath it were exhaustion, old wounds, nervous systems…
Why Small Arguments Turn Into Huge Fights (Emotional Safety Part 2)
Why do small disagreements sometimes turn into huge arguments?In Part 2 of our Emotional Safety series, licensed therapists and married couple Tarah and E.J. Kerwin explore why conflict…
Why You Feel Lonely In Your Relationship (Emotional Safety Part 1)
Have you ever felt lonely in your relationship, even when your partner is sitting right beside you?Maybe you've stopped bringing up certain topics because it doesn't feel worth…
What If You're The Only One Trying To Save The Relationship? (Interview with Dr. Lee Baucom)
Have you ever felt like you're the only one worried about your relationship?Maybe you've suggested counseling, asked for deeper conversations, or tried to reconnect—but your partner doesn't seem…
When Sex Stops Feeling Safe (Intimacy Pressure Part 2)
Last week, we explored how intimacy can slowly become pressurized in a relationship and leave both partners feeling lonely, misunderstood, and disconnected.In Part 2, we're talking about how…
Why Couples Feel Rejected, Overwhelmed, and Disconnected (Intimacy Pressure Pt 1)
Why does intimacy start feeling so difficult in long-term relationships?For many couples, intimacy doesn't disappear overnight. Instead, pressure slowly enters the relationship. One partner begins feeling rejected, lonely,…
Caretaking in Relationships: How Couples Rebuild Trust & Emotional Safety | Part 2
In Part 2 of our series on caretaking in relationships, we move beyond identifying the problem and begin helping couples understand how to actually heal the disconnection it…
Perimenopause, Intimacy & Relationships: What Couples Need To Understand (Part 2) | Dr. Arianna Sholes-Douglas
Perimenopause and menopause don’t just affect women individually — they impact entire relationships.In Part 2 of our powerful conversation with Dr. Arianna Sholes-Douglas, founder of Tula Wellness and…
Why Taking Care Of Everyone Else Is Hurting Your Marriage (Caretaking Part 1)
Have you ever felt like something was “off” in your relationship… even though nobody was technically doing anything wrong?In this episode of the Relationship Renovation Podcast, E.J. and…
Perimenopause, Brain Fog & Relationship Strain: What Every Woman (and Man) Needs to Know (Part 1)
So many women are silently struggling through perimenopause and menopause without realizing what’s actually happening to their bodies, brains, emotions, sleep, libido, and relationships.In this deeply honest and…
How to Stay Connected During Life Transitions (Part 2)
Life transitions can either pull couples apart… or bring them closer together.In Part 1 of this series, we explored why relationships often feel strained during seasons of change…
Why Your Relationship Feels Off During Life Transitions (Part 1)
Have you ever noticed that your relationship starts to feel off…Right when life is changing?👉 You move 👉 Have a baby 👉 Start a new job 👉 Even…
How to Repair After a Fight (5 Ways to Actually Fix Conflict)
Have you ever argued with your partner…and even though it “ended”…something still didn’t feel right?You told each other you were fine.You moved on with your day.But underneath it…
Why Your Relationship Feels Like Roommates (And How to Fix It)
Do you love your partner… but feel more like roommates?Most of your conversations are about:schedulesresponsibilitiesgetting through the dayAnd somewhere along the way… the connection, intimacy, and fun start…
The Shift That Changes Everything in Your Relationship (And Yourself) with Dr. Dan Peters
Work with Us!If you’ve ever felt stuck in your relationship…frustrated, disconnected, or unsure how to move forward—This episode will shift the way you see everything.In this powerful conversation,…
Why You Keep Having the Same Fight (And How to Finally Fix It)
Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonJoin Our Patreon CommunityWhy do you keep having the same conversation… with no real change?You talk things through. You feel aligned.…
Why You Keep Having the Same Fight (And Don’t Know Why)
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingDoes this sound familiar?Your partner doesn’t do something you expected…and suddenly you’re frustrated, confused, or hurt.Meanwhile, your partner is sitting there…
Betrayal, Infidelity & Trust: Dr. Stan Tatkin on Why Relationships Fail (and How to Repair Them)
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingWhat actually causes betrayal in relationships?Is it about sex, disconnection, or something deeper?In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Stan…
The Partner of an Overfunctioner: Why You Feel Pushed Out (Part 2)
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingFrom the outside, it can look like you have the “perfect” partner.They manage everything. They take care of the house, the…
Overfunctioning in Relationships: Why One Partner Ends Up Doing Everything (Part 1)
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingDo you feel like you're the one who has to remember everything, manage everything, and hold the relationship together?You handle the…
Validation Isn’t Agreement: How to Validate Your Partner Without Admitting You’re Wrong (Part 2)
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingMany couples get stuck in the same painful argument:One partner feels hurt or insecure. The other partner feels falsely accused.And suddenly…
When Communication Tools Don’t Work: Regulating Before Repair (Part 1)
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingWhen you're in the middle of conflict, communication tools can completely fall apart.You try to validate. You try to listen. You…
Infertility, Miscarriage & Marriage: How to Stay Connected Through Pregnancy Loss
Infertility and pregnancy loss are far more common than we talk about — and far more isolating than most couples expect.Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingIn…
Why Sex Changes in Midlife and How Couples Close the Bedroom Gap
Why does sex often become uncomfortable, pressured, or disconnected in midlife — even in loving relationships?Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingIn this episode, EJ and Tarah…
Why Desire Fades in Long Term Relationships (And How Couples Rebuild Connection)
Why does desire often fade in long-term relationships — even when couples deeply love each other?Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingIn this episode, EJ and Tarah…
Why Triggers and Defensiveness Derail Communication (Part 3)
Why do the same arguments keep happening — even when you know better?Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingIn Part 3 of our communication series, relationship therapists…
Communication Skills Every Couple Needs: Validation, Active Listening, and Repair (Part 2)
In Part Two of our Communication Series, EJ and Tarah Kerwin break down three of the most essential — and most misunderstood — relationship skills: validation, active listening,…
The Biggest Communication Mistakes Couples Make (Part 1: The Don’ts)
Is communication the biggest struggle in your relationship? You’re not alone.Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingIn Part 1 of our 3-part Communication Series, relationship experts and…
Why Couples Stay Stuck in the Same Painful Patterns (Even When They Try to Change)
Why do so many couples feel stuck repeating the same painful patterns — even after therapy, books, and years of personal growth?Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation…
Why You Keep Repeating the Same Relationship Patterns — and How Attachment Styles Actually Change (with Thais Gibson)
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingOrder Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonJoin Our Patreon CommunityTake the Emotional Safety Assessment QuizWhy do couples swear they’ll “do…
Why Couples Drift Apart — A Simple Framework That Keeps You Connected
Intentions WorksheetBook a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingOrder Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonJoin Our Patreon CommunityTake the Emotional Safety Assessment QuizMost couples don’t fall apart…
The Intimacy Gap (Part 4): How Play, Curiosity, and New Experiences Create Lasting Connection
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingOrder Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonJoin Our Patreon CommunityTake the Emotional Safety Assessment QuizIn the final episode of our…
The Intimacy Gap (Part 3): How Curiosity and Emotional Safety Rebuild Connection — and Help Couples Navigate Desire Differences
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingOrder Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonJoin Our Patreon CommunityTake the Emotional Safety Assessment QuizIn Part 3 of our Intimacy…
The Intimacy Gap (Part 2): How Stress, Shame, and Mismatched Desire Sabotage Connection — and What Couples Can Do About It
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingOrder Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonJoin Our Patreon CommunityTake the Emotional Safety Assessment QuizEver wondered why stress and shame…
The Intimacy Gap (Part 1): Why 80% of Couples Struggle with Emotional and Sexual Connection — and How to Rebuild Closeness
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingOrder Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonJoin Our Patreon CommunityTake the Emotional Safety Assessment QuizIn this first episode of our…
When Money Avoidance Breaks Trust: Why Couples Shut Down Instead of Talking
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingOr email us directly at coaching@relationshiprenovation.com with the subject line “Couples Coaching Application.” Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonJoin Our Patreon CommunityTake…
Menopause, Hormones, and the Bedroom Gap: How to Restore Intimacy and Connection in Midlife
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingOr email us directly at coaching@relationshiprenovation.com with the subject line “Couples Coaching Application.” Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonJoin Our Patreon CommunityTake…
When Life Gets Hard: How Couples Can Stay Connected Instead of Drifting Apart
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingOr email us directly at coaching@relationshiprenovation.com with the subject line “Couples Coaching Application.” Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonJoin Our Patreon CommunityTake…
When Sex Feels Like a Transaction: The Hidden Disconnect in Relationships
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingOr email us directly at coaching@relationshiprenovation.com with the subject line “Couples Coaching Application.” Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonJoin Our Patreon CommunityTake…
Why I Shut Down in Conflict: Facing My Avoidant Patterns
In this deeply personal episode, Tarah interviews EJ about his avoidant tendencies — why he used to shut down during conflict, how it affected their relationship, and what…
247 - How to Talk About Needs Without Triggering Defensiveness
Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation CoachingOr email us directly at coaching@relationshiprenovation.com with the subject line “Couples Coaching Application.” Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonJoin Our Patreon CommunityTake…